The difficulty of abandoning the weakness is so huge that i have been often disappointed with my weak behavior. One of my weakness is manifested in forms of lack of confidence sometimes. Actually, i was not as confident as i am at present. Many years, i was once self despised and i lacked self-confidence. Over the last several years, i have been gradually eradicating my weakness and have become strong with my confidence. I equipped myself with knowledge and self motivation and determination as well. Generally, i manifest confidence most of time and gradually found out my own value as a human being. I have realized my strength and the my importance in this world. Therefore, i become a confident man.
However, sometimes,it seems like there is a backlash of my behavior. In some particular circumstances, it seems like i backed to the one who existed many years ago. I was disappointed with myself and hated that because i who lived many years ago was nightmare for me. I hate to be the one who lack of confidence and was inferior to many others. Actually, they are not as good as me, but my pschological inferiority has put myself in a lower level. I have been so upset and frustrated with that situation that had been part of my life for many years.
I did not realize that backlash until one thing happened to me recently. I found that i lost my confidence and showed my weakness when i overreact to something. If there is something that i really care of, i tend to back to myself of the past. I seems like i lost everything that i have accumulated over years. It is so disappointing. However, i am not so worried about that because i think i could back to normal if i try to adjust my perspective and follow God.
May God be with me
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